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More absurd UK patents

Many links on this site use the Espacenet database to view patents.
UK Patent Application No. GB2289222. A fart collecting device. It comprises a gas-tight collecting tube 10 for insertion into the rectum of the subject. The tube 10 is connected to a gas-tight collecting bag (not shown). The end of the tube inserted into the subject is apertured and covered with a gauze filter and a gas permeable bladder 28. Patent drawing: GB2289222
Patent drawing: GB2221607 UK Patent Application No. GB2221607. A glove for courting couples who wish to maintain palm-to-palm contact while holding hands. It has a common palm section, but two separate sets of fingers.
Patent drawing: GB2272154

UK Patent Application No. GB2272154. A ladder to enable spiders to climb out of a bath. It comprises a thin flexible latex rubber strip which follows the inner contours of the bath. A suction pad 5 is attached to the top edge of the bath.

UK Patent Application No. GB2283412. A chair for coition. Provides support for two people, one astride the other. In one preferred form, the seat vibrates. Patent drawing: GB2283412
Patent drawing: GB2060081 UK Patent Application No. GB2060081. A horse-powered minibus. The horse walks along an endless conveyor belt treadmill in the middle of the bus. This drives the wheels via a gearbox. A thermometer under the horse's collar is connected to the vehicle instrument panel. The driver can signal to the horse using a handle, which brings a mop into contact with the horse.
UK Patent Application No. GB2172200. An umbrella for wear on the head. The support frame is designed so as not to mess up the wearer's hair.

Such umbrellas are apparently on the market, but it's uncertain whether they are constructed according to the patent application.

Patent drawing: GB2172200
Patent drawing: GB2301524 UK Patent Application No. GB2301524. A "Contoured Ulterior Pouch" (CUP). The cup W hides and augments a man's scrotum, but has an opening O leaving his penis P free.

"From time immemorial," says the inventor, "an integral element of the male psyche has been his awareness of the presence or absence of pronounced manly form in his loins. What man not generously blessed by nature, would not wish for the carefree confidence of his more robustly equipped fellows who suffer no modesty when their manly form naturally draws envious glances."

UK Patent Application No. GB2267208. A portable seat which you wear on a waist-belt. The seat cushion 18 is pivotable between a stowed position (left drawing) and a seating position in which it hangs down so that you can sit on it (right drawing). Patent drawing: GB2267208
Patent drawing: GB2251542 UK Patent Application No. GB2251542. An ashtray which warns you to quit smoking. When you pick up the box of matches 5 from the holder 2, light passes through a hole 14 to a photocell. This activates an audible warning device.
UK Patent Application No. GB2339950. A car registration plate which indicates the sex of the driver. It has different background colours on either side, one colour for men and one for women. Quick-release clips make it easily reversible.

The inventor says that since the plate makes the driver's sex immediately apparent, other road users will change the way they behave. They will become more polite, and predict better the behaviour of other drivers. The frequency and severity of traffic accidents will be reduced.

Patent drawing: GB2339950

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Copyright Tim Jackson 1998-2001
Last revised: 10 November 2001.

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